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-birthday clubbing

clubbing with ALIVE ta celebrate my birthday.
full of surprises hah.
pretending you're over smeone when you're realli not quite there yet.. aint quite the piece of cake i try to make it out to be.
but then again.. i am also. realli.. so way over you.
by the way.. i didn't like what i saw.
and i wont tell many pple bout it.. and even if i did im sure they'd jus sae tt's wad pple do in clubs.. yeah yeah.

no matter what i sae.. its difficult.. to still meet up.
there were times when i nearly lost it that dae.
just wanted ta get awae from a particular two pple.
drea says the other can't help just being like that.
honestly.. im sorry.. i dont accept that. it aint good enough for me.
right in front of me.
in my face.

get this.. i wasn't being pulled awae from y'all by the crowd.
i was TRYING to get awae.
i can take care of myself, thanks.

sigh. and there's still meetings and a retreat we're planning.
well well.. i foresee more eye-rolling ahead.
whatever.

-movies
DAMN.. everybody should go and catch DATE MOVIE.
hahahs..
it was a damn damn good laugh. :D
the spoofs were amazingly funny.

altho.. i hafta add.. the jokes and funny parts also happen ta be amazingly gross.
so.. this aint quite a movie for the faint-hearted.
rofl

i myself, hadta keep using my handbag ta cover my face at some parts.
for the sake of preservation of sanity.
or maybe just for the sake of not puking.
ROFL.

-pain

pain is when you have to keep seeing the person you're still not quite over yet.
and to know and accept that things arent the same and will nvr be again.
pain is to have him and smeone else u noe [to whom you happen to have confided in once] having a rocking gd time right in front of you.
pain is the feeling that you get when the jealousy ignites.

the remedy..

is getting awae frm the sight which burns my eyes.
is rolling my eyes everytime i feel the little sparks from the jealousy.
and well, bitching of course.

pain is wad you get when you noe a friend cant get over that person whom he/she realli should be over -cos he's worth so much more.
[cos she doesn't treat him well enough or even appreciate him]
pain is understanding that feeling of standing unrequited.


pain is when pple start to pick up on smth you've harboured deep inside.
just a little hope you tried to keep deep deep inside for the super long run.
a super tentative 'maybe'.
smth you've long since told urself will probably never be.
because things are too complicated. on both sides.
because.. both sides are still tangled.

and when pple pick up on it too.. there's no more wondering if it's just you.

what would it be like if we were together?
haha.
it might be sweet.

but we aren't.

and meanwhile the sadist in me is getting a good feed.
with pple backing her up, suspecting and about ta suan and ask.

different degrees of friends and different degrees of like.
perhaps it also somewhat scares me that this is a new level i've nvr been on.
i lied.. not self-invented.. but undefined, unchartered territory.
that's the current state/siatuation.


van's birthday bash

im gonna b completely plain and say that i did not have a good time yest.
so not my kinda thing.
not my idea of a good time.
and now im itching ta go clubbing again.
hah. my idea of a good time.

but then again.. i dont go clubbing for the usual reasons pple go.
aka.. hmm.. to get drunk, to pick up chicks [or get picked up].
i just go ta dance ta e music, hang loose and have a good time with friends.

and i aint gnna go if SHE is there and HE is there.
or if i do.. just to prove to myself i can take it.. dont expect me ta hang around close ta y'all.
i'll b moving ta get pple in between so that i save my eyes from burning.