hi, its me.

haha.. who else could it be lah.
sorrie.. im temporarily insane.. can you tell? haha

i can't mug for much longer.
in a sense.. im glad the A's are finally just about here. [sorrie, my 1st paper's onli on fridae- but dont complain.. i onli end on the 23rd lah.]
even tho i noe im not fully prepared. even tho i take tv breaks and dont spend all my time mugging. [for the sake of my sanity, mind you]

yes.. im glad its all just about finally here. principally cos i can't last much longer like this.. and most of all.. because as far as im concerned.. i haven't got much of a life nowadays.. everything wonderful and exciting is right over there on the other side of the wall. this great big wall obstructing is the damn A's.

mugging all this time.. i've been removing block by block.. its been a damn slow, damn hard process.. studying jus about 9hrs a dae.. roughly lah. altho yes, i admit the quality is not always there 100%. but i'll remind you kindly..[with a SHOUT]
IM ONLI H-U-M-A-N.
not some stupid robot.

yes.. stupid A's... now that they're finally here.. they will end soon and then i can get on with life. and move on to all the other things i've been looking forward to. prom, shopping, carolling, family hol to austria, church grp trip to thailand.. FREEDOM principally.

and perhaps find out from smeone.. if there's any possibility.
-hmm.. dont try to guess who this is about. you may just assume its e wrong person.
and if you dont noe.. tt means i've not told you.. and u've no business to noe aniwae. sorrie to be blunt, but its as simple as that.

meanwhile.. u noe wad.. i think.. i've grown quite a lot this year.
friendship experiences-wise.. class politics.. other relations..
literature is relevant no matter what other pple may say. appearances vs reality. absolute key fact of life. this modern world we live in. sigh.
smebody made this line famous.. "its humanity i love, but man i hate"
i propose a modification.. "its man i love, but humanity i hate" haha.
dont ask me where that came from. im not quite sure myself.

a call frm smeone yesterday.. shed sme light on certain thing. but its just too bad that certain things have already been done and there's no turning back. and as far as my two other friends and i are concerned.. even if there was a chance at turning back.. noeing wad we do now.. seeing what we have.. there's no wae we'd consent to try and mend things. they're beyond mending.

there are three pple.. who dont noe of my blog as far as i noe.. to whom im jus putting down a simple note to.. jus cos i need to get things off my chest.
[again, dont just assume its you and get offended or anything.. cos that would be plain stupidity. and this is my blog.. i'll b ambiguous if i want to. thank you.]

and if those to whom the notes are really to.. happen to stumble across here and read this.. that's perfectly fine. as far as im concerned.. i've not insulted you openly [i didn't mention names].. embarassed either you or myself. and if u get the hint/msg, that's fine. if you dont, that's fine too- story of my life.

to ssr: im over you. in the sense that i noe now that there is absolutely no chance. and also.. now that i've figured out exactly who you like. it wasn't so very hard. turns out its the same person i alwaez thot it was aniwae. yes, im over you. but im still drawn to you. and im quite sure its obvious. but its okae.. i noe.. its onli superficial. and after all the A's are over.. i prolly wont b seeing you animore at all aniwae. so bear with me.. if i seem to be staring.. or constantly glancing in ur direction. and reading ur blog.. jus hurts smetimes. perhaps because.. isn't it just the stupidest, almost farnie thing.. sme of the things you write abt how you feel towards her.. i can understand.. cos once upon a time.. i felt that wae.. towards you. but once upon a time. no longer.

to darthvader: on some counts.. what happened wasn't exactly fair [to either of us]. i read [past tense] into things more than i shld've.. and you well.. i wish you'd have thought to communicate more, than i might not have misunderstood.. and got my hopes up.. to end up quesitoning myself when in actual fact, it had nth to do with me. and maybe you cld've tried to spare a thought for my feelings. and seeing as how we have so many mutual friends.. i still can't let go the fact that you cld've done things in so many different ways. and things wldn't have come to a close on such an awful note. instd.. me, who i supppose was seeking closure [despite having closed the hope books with regards to you.. long before].. jus HAD to noe. sorrie u cldn't get awae w/o being the bad guy. so at any rate.. i got my answer. but well.. as char told me.. you chose to do things the way you did. so be it. we're not even friends animore. partially.. i noe.. im making things bigger than they were.. and getting overly-touchy abt smth that never was. but that's just too bad for you. i simply said i dont feel like talking to you. and im glad that i havne't since. yes, glad. to sme extent.. it cld be that you've done the same.. neglected to even try.. to re-establish a friendship.. on the pretext of respecting my space. at the same time.. i wont deny.. it hurts a lil.. noeing that you can jus nt care.. tt u've lost a friend. the wae you act as tho you dont even see me. but hey.. it doesn't matter anymore. past. i hate seeing you or hearing you. and if i do.. expect me to wear a most hostile look.. cos as far as im concerned.. tt's all you're gonna get from me. and u better hope u're lucky.. tt i can forgive.. and nt make an attempt to do smth at prom.

to jra: at this point in time.. im just about ready to give up. partially cos it hurts too much to keep the hope book open with nothing ti write in it. and it migh jus be easier to put the bookmark in and wait to see if a time will come when it can be opened again. because im sure, tt now, if ever is just not the time. and i hate that you dont reply my msges animore. and its a devaju.. me quesitoning myself inside.. if its jus you finding tt im irritating. or if ur inbox is full again. or if u're realli blocking everything out in the name of mugging for A's, the blessed A's. and even if the latter is the case.. i dont noe. it may not be enough for me. that you cldn't even reply a simple msg asking how ur paper was. cos to me.. that would be simple courtesy.
but well.. i'll wait and see.. there's time yet and opportunities yet. we'll jus get thru the A's first.

-if you think u noe who im referring to.. but wanna noe for sure.. msg me and ask me. aint no other wae u're gonna noe. and if i dont reply.. well then u'll noe tt i simply dont want you to noe. get off my back.

well that's all for now. a good blog vent, i've run dry. and 'sides mom's gonna b home soon. and i wld like to not get caught on the laptop. before she starts nagging. cos shez one of those creatures who expects tt i do nothing but studystudystudy since A's are here. -wadeva. i've already made coment on that above.